A Sickle for your Thoughts?
by LilyFlower11
Summary: A Sickle for your Thoughts? The international phenomenon; Witch Weekly says, "Raw and inspiring". The Daily Prophet remarks, "The true story of a witch, everyone can learn something from this book!" The Quibbler revels, "Four nargles! A fantastic read!" Lily Evan's diary, unedited.


Stories like this usually have foreshadowing; a warning that a big event is going to happen in the near future. But this- this could hardly be expected. Whether I mean my entire life being unexpected, or just this bloody unbelievably humiliating event, I'm not sure which, but it's starting to feel like a little bit of both.

The first time we met was on the train, first year. Marlene was listening to music, I was staring out the window, and Alice was tittering on about a neighbor boy.

Three boys stood at the entry of our compartment. "Can we sit here?" A rather pale boy with brown and greyish hair asked. He shook like a leaf, not because he was nervous, but because he looked sickly thin. I now know him as Remus Lupin.

Marlene nodded her head without looking up from her book. Alice looked delighted. "Go ahead!" She said all too excitedly.

She made room on her seat as the three boys took up the space of the compartment. She motioned for a boy with long black hair and grey eyes, who was quite tall for his age to sit next to her. He took the seat next to Marlene. He is known as Sirius Black.

The notorious James Potter took a seat alongside me. He had messy black hair and hazel eyes behind a thin frame of glasses. He wasn't as tall as Sirius; rather lanky and average height.

Alice and I waited a few minutes while the boys talked amongst themselves, wondering if we'd be included in conversation. As I seem to remember, I was not in favor of making small talk, but Alice seemed to feel differently.

"So, what are your names'? I'm Alice, I'm going to be in Gryffindor." I stared at Alice and hoped to perceive a clue as to what a Gryffindor might be, hoping I didn't make an idiot of myself.

None of them respond for a while. "My name is Remus Lupin. I think all the houses are pretty brilliant."

Sirius snorted. "Except for Slytherin. Mine is Sirius Black, I'm going anywhere but Slytherin, even if it means I'm a bloody Hufflepuff." Well he made quite the first impression. Alice grinned at him.

"And I'm James, James Potter. If I'm not in Gryffindor, I'm transferring." In my head I appraised him for such confidence, as an eleven year old would. Little did I know that in six years time that trait would be more of an ongoing annoyance than something I would admire.

Remus, looking somewhat alarmed (he knew it from the very beginning), retorting with a furrow of his eyebrows. "I'm just glad I could come."

Sirius snorted with desertion, "What's stopping you?"

Remus replied with a half mumble before looking at me.

I twisted my watch on my wrist and quietly introduced myself, "Hi, I'm Lily… I don't know which house I want to be in, they all sound nice." I piggybacked Remus's reply and hoped I wouldn't get criticized.

Each boy said a stiff and polite hello, sensing my tension before turning back to one another.

Marlene snorted and I stopped wringing my hands to fix my headband.

An hour later James Potter turned back to me, wide eyed. "Excuse me, but I don't think you introduced yourself before, I'm James Potter."

I felt kind of hurt but introduced myself again none the less, "If I must repeat myself, my name is Lily."

Potter momentarily turned around to mutter something to Sirius. I realized he wasn't listening.

"I am sorry, what was that?"

"Never mind." I huffed, slightly embarrassed.

"Well, you don't have to get your knickers in a twist." He and Sirius found his response very amusing somehow and didn't stop laughing for a while.

Remus muttered, "Nice to meet you, Lily."

Alice continued to bat her eyelashes. Marlene continued to read.

Back to the memory when I thought it was clear I wanted to cut all contact.

Boxing Day of fifth year. I was still feeling resentment from seeing one of my close acquaintances hanging in the air, calling me an unforgivable name. Whatever, it's all in the past.

James Potter, just like everyone else in 5th year, was relaxing by the lake—enjoying Hogwarts before he had to go home for the summer. I was barefoot, worn out from the long year, and not that far away from him.

He was teasing a younger Hufflepuff about carrying his books out with him on the last day of school, but that part hardly matters. Anyways, Marlene and I were sitting by the lake, Alice might have been there, or she might have been snogging her companion of the week.

So there we were, innocently gossiping. Did McGonagall really have a secret lover who broke it off before she came to Hogwarts, or was she born with that nasty disposition? That's when I heard that laugh. Do I need to tell you which one? Three guesses. The one that I had only grown to hate with every passing year. With my Prefects badge fastened to my robes, I could feel the cold silver thumping against my chest.

Every year I had to deal with Potter and his stupid friends. I had done some pretty terrible things too, but what made him justified to humiliate a person like that? Not only Snape, but me? His catcalls and awful date propositions were something I could handle. But now I was reaching my breaking point.

Marls continued talking. I stood up without a warning. Marlene looked confused, "Lily, where are you-?"

I really didn't mean to leave her there, I didn't! And drama is something that can be relied to spur from Potter, not me. But more laughs echoed across the shady bank and each laugh was like a stab in my gut.

When someone accuses you of overreacting, who can help but feel offended? Because sometimes it's not the single event that stirs you—it's all the things that lead up to that painful, horrifying moment, right before you break. The moment when you can't control your actions, no matter what the cost. For me it was mostly humiliation, a bad reputation, a few detentions and withering glares during the last classes of the year.

It's like a glass that's filled to the very rim, just waiting for the few drops that will cause it to overflow.

It's on the last laugh that I overflow. I can see the 3rd year looking around, anywhere but his harassers, with an uncomfortable look molded over his features. Remus and Sirius were facing me, while I had a fantastic view of Potter's back. Remus was the first one to see me, his eyes widened at my quickening pace. I feel the thudding of my heart—the sickening bile at the back of my throat that comes right before I do something I know I'll regret. Before Sirius, Peter, or even the third year could react, I grasped Potter by the shoulders and pushed him—

Right into the lake.

**September 2****nd **, **10:16 PM —Head dorms**

Please excuse my dramatics. Events have forced me to relive memories that I don't want to. You know how fun it is for me to relive memories. Not.

I don't feel like talking about it. Maybe tomorrow.

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**A/N: So I've started a new story. It will be in diary format, don't worry, it won't always be this dramatic. That's really all I have to say. Review if you want.**


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